Memories of an Insecure Girl

I walk with the confidence of a woman because I have memories of being an insecure girl.
Memories of waiting for daddy to call, pick her up, take an interest, or just be present.
Present to listen to the cries of a lost girl.
Lost in uncertainty.
Lost in insecurity.
Lost in boys.
Different boy on her arm until she found the one.
Who reminded her of the father, she wishes her dad could have been.
Should have been to her and her 3 brothers.
But she likes girls, too.
Or
Maybe only.
She's not sure because society,
In the form of an 11 year girl
Who asks "why don't you have a boyfriend?"
Her first boyfriend at 11.
And from then on she has a boyfriend.
Virginity given away. Obligation. Duty. He "deserved" it.
Ten years of sex with men.
Men who forcefully fuck her without consent. Ignore her "no".
Ignore her "stop".
Ignore the shove to his waist to stop his manhood from invading her love.
When not being invaded, she likes penetration.
Ignore the desire to have a woman's tongue invade her walls
Insert her fingers.
One.
Two.
Three.
Open my eyes.
Remember that insecure girl.
Wishing she could have had the security, support, and love to scream.
Its called assault, sexual!
Anything but yes is an invasion.
A coercion.
Carrying this burden at twenty-six.
Why must I coerce my dad to be a father?
Be the man a little girl needs to be free.
To love herself no matter who she prefers in her love.